"Ello ma Breeteesh chooms"

For those of you who might not know what the big Healthcare row is all about, I thought I might give you some insight into how things work here.

Hospitals

I was confused, when I got here, to see that Hospitals do fundraising.  Why would a company, often part of a network, need to ask for donations? I never understood until this evening.  

I was watching an episode of House, and it concentrated on a day in the life of Lisa Cutty, Head of the Hospital.  She was in a difficult negotiation with a Health Insurance company, who she was trying to get to pay an increased rate.

Here's the thing.  

Insurance Companies rate hospitals and put them on payscales.  Every procedure has a price which the insurance company pays and it is also dependent on the way the insurance company rates the hospital, and the contract they have with them.  

So if you have an appendix removed, that's priced (by the insurance company) at, say $1000.00.  If the hospital's costs are $900, they make $100 profit.  If the hospital's costs are $1200.00, then they lose money.  The hospital may choose to charge the patient with the difference.

So hospitals have to negotiate their contracts with health insurance firms to get paid for the services they offer at a reasonable rate.

Administrative costs

With all sorts of codes for every procedure, dependent on the contract between the institution and the healthcare insurer, as well as the patient's level of cover, the administration of the whole system is garguantuan.

Administrative costs for private healthcare insurance firms are estimated at between 5 and 6% (Washington Post).

Understanding your own insurance

At my previous employer, insurance cover was extensive.  There were no deductibles and no copays.

First, some definitions

Deductible:

"This is the initial dollar amount you must pay before your insurance company begins paying for health services. Usually, the higher the deductible, the lower your premium. However, do not choose a deductible so high that you cannot afford to pay it. The contract will dictate the specific amount you pay per year for your family. You must pay a deductible each year, which will vary depending on the number of people covered by the policy."

Copay:

"A copayment is a specified dollar amount you pay, as a subscriber to a managed care plan, for covered health care services. It is paid to the medical provider at the time the services are rendered."

In and out of network:

An in-network provider is one contracted with the health insurance company to provide services to plan members for specific pre-negotiated rates. An out-of-network provider is one not contracted with the health insurance plan. Typically, if you visit a physician or other provider within the network, the amount you will be responsible for paying will be less than if you go to an out-of-network provider. Though there are some exceptions, in many cases, the insurance company will either pay less or not pay anything for services you receive from out-of-network providers.

So, basically, each year, you have to pay: 

• The first amount of any type of service, dependent on whether the service provider is in or out of network
• A percentage of the cost of the service, depending on whether the service provider is in or out of network.

For example, if I want to go to a Chiropractor: 

• In the network - $300 deductible, after which I pay 20% of every visit and I am restricted to 24 visits a year
• Out of the netwok - $600 deductible, after which I pay 40% of every visit and I am restricted to 24 visits a year.

Medication

Medication costs depend on whether or not the medicine is "Brand" or "Generic."  Essentially this refers to the time period that the drug company has a patent on the medication.  While they do, they charge high prices.  

Once the patent has expired, a bunch of companies produce knock offs of the drug and, even though they may not be exactly what the brand medicine was, and may not work for you in the same way, your insurance company will want you to take the cheaper drug.

For my insurance, which I am told is pretty good, I have to pay 40% of Brand and 24% of Generic medicine costs.

Not only that, but the insurance companies do not let you get your drugs from the pharmacy.  You can get your first 30 days of pills, but after that you have to go through their mail order service and you get 90 days of pills sent to your home.

So, when you get a prescription, they tell you to get two copies, one for your immediate needs, and another to send to the mail order service.  See "Administrative Costs", above.

So here are what my drugs are going to cost me:

 Asthma pill - $360 per year

Asthma pump 1 - $20 per year

Asthma pump 2- $75 per year

Antidepressant 1 - $250 per year

Antidepressant 2 - $450 per year

Hayfever medicine - $1300 per year

TOTAL - $2,455 per year

Needless to say, I'm going to shelve the hayfever stuff and go back to the over the counter medicine, which doesn't work, and cough and sneeze my way through summer, sleeping on the couch whenever lying down is so uncomfortable that I have to angle my head to control the post-nasal drip.

There must be so many people that have to think through these kinds of choices with healthcare very day here.

My colleague was telling me today that she and her husband had to consider the costs before they decided to get pregnant.

I could go on and on, but I hope this has helped give some insight into why healthcare is so broken here.  And I HAVE insurance, unlike 46 million people (1 in 6) here.

To read more Divided by a Common Language, click here. 

A month or so ago, I wrote about a day when I felt that I didn't want to live here.

I feel like that today too.

Ironically, Fluffy Bear and I are going to look at shipping quotes today to bring all our stuff out of storage and over to the US - making a real commitment to living in this country.

I like the USA, and I have so many wonderful friends here - people who have become like family.

But there are times when I feel that I am different, that I don't belong.

I am a member of an online list of people who have been introduced by other people, and discuss all sorts of things.  I have seen people on this list support each other, share their lives and show real online friendship.

But, of course, people also have differing opinions.

And that's fine by me.  I mean, imagine if we all thought the same way?  How tedious.  

It is through the differing opinions of others that we also learn to question our own beliefs and keep ourselves balanced and honest.

I like to debate issues, and I like to see different sides to any story.

I embrace grey areas.  For me, nothing is ever black or white.

Growing up brown inside black and white

Perhaps it is because I grew up in a country where a division between black and white was written into law and caused so much pain and destruction.  

I personally heard a speech by someone who said that the Bible and evolution shows that black people are more primitive than white people and it's no use educating them - they were put on earth by God to do the manual work, to be our servants.  Ridiculous.

Within my country, where black was kept divided from white - by separate education, separate living areas - I grew up mixed-race, but legally identified as white.

Therefore, deep within me, there is a recognition of the complexity of things, the history of things, the underlying reasons for things.

Taught to question

I had an amazing English teacher in High School.  I'm not sure I really got it at the time but, as I look back, I can see how he, along with my mother, helped to open my mind.

He asked us one day what it would take for us to shoot someone, intending to kill them.  He didn't want us to answer him, just think about it.  I knew exactly what it would take for me to shoot someone... self-defense, or the defense of my family or any person I loved.  I wasn't scared that I would kill someone, I was scared that, when it came down to it, I might fuck it up and fail to stop the attacker, especially if that attacker was a rapist.

My English teacher also asked us how many bad things would have to happen to us for us to end up homeless on the street.  Even today, I ask myself this question, and I try to give money to every homeless person selling newspapers to try to get back on their feet.  Becoming homeless would be so, so simple: 6 steps, that's all it would take.

Estranged from my family --> Fluffy Bear leaves me --> I get depressed and piss off my friends, who turn away from me --> I lose my job --> I can't pay rent or get motivated to get another job --> Homeless.

The ultimate question

So if you combine those two things, our ability to kill and hurt other human beings and the simple steps that could completely change our lives, then the ultimate question is:

If everything is a gray area, is anyone out there evil, or could I have ended up where they are, doing what they did?

I really believe there is no such thing as evil.  There is no Axis of Evil, there are no evil people.

Would would it have taken for me to be a serial killer? To be Aileen Wournos, the serial killer played by Charlize Theron in Monster?

Aileen was the progeny of a child bride and a convicted pedophile, who committed suicide.  She was abandoned by her mother, left with her grandparents.  She was sexually abused, pregnant at 13 and gave her child up for adoption.  At 15, she was kicked out of her house and started supporting herself as a prostitute.  She lived in the woods for a time.  Who knows what abuses she suffered as a prostitute, what mental issues she may have inherited genetically and what psychological issues she may have gathered over the years of this awful life? 

If I had gone through the same experience, would I have killed men?

The answer is: I don't know.  But I might have.

I might have.

And I believe anyone might have.

So why am I going on about all this?  

Yesterday someone went into a coffee shop South of Tacoma, WA, and shot 4 Police officers who were sitting down, working on laptops and apparently planning their day.  Coming a few weeks after the fatal shooting of Officer Brenton and wounding of Officer Sweeney on Halloween night in Seattle, WA, this is a horrible event to happen in a community that is already hurting.

A man called Maurice Clemmons is a "person of interest", and the Police are searching for him.   Last night they surrounded a house but, we are now told, they didn't find Clemmons there.

While the SWAT team standoff was in progress, I sent an email to my online community saying that I hoped that everyone came out of it OK, including the suspect.

Someone replied that they hoped the suspect died a slow and painful death.

I made the point that evil does not exist, everyone is born in innocence and that criminals do what they do because of:

• religious indoctrination
• mental illness
• factors in their past
• desperation.

I was told that there is evil in the world, and asked how I explain serial killers, the Holocaust or pedophiles.

I said that serial killers have a mental illness, that "The Reader" is a good movie to watch to understand the Holocaust (from the point of view of the German people who took part in running the concentration camps), and that research and debate continues about whether or not pedophiles are mentally ill or not.

I got two replies that were very rude, even abusive, basically telling me that I had obviously never experienced evil and I didn't know what I was talking about.

So what?  Grow up!  What's this got to do with being homesick?

"So what?" is right.  I usually enjoy hearing opinions that differ from mine.

But I honestly believe there is a cultural difference here.

Some of the people on the other side of the email debate genuinely seemed to want this man, this as-yet unconvicted suspect, killed.

Maybe the English are less inclined to engage in that kind of rhetoric because they remember times in their history when they were the bad guys - concentration camps in South Africa, quelling uprisings in India.

Maybe the English are more into legal due process because they've been doing it for so much longer, while the US comes from a history of small towns of local Sherriffs who had to do whatever it took to retain order (no blame in this statement, just historical fact). 

Maybe it's because there is less of a gun culture in the UK.

Whatever it is, I just don't remember this kind of lynch mob mentality during the 13 years I lived in England.

And it really saddens me that this man, who has not yet been tried and convicted, is in real danger of being killed a law enforcement officer who may think the way that the people in my email community do.

And right now I'd rather be back in England than here in the USA.

I know this feeling will pass.  I'll wake up tomorrow loving the wonderful traditions and amazing landscape and warmth and friendship of all the American people around me.  I'll be grateful again for this place that has given me a new home, a new job and two amazing furkids.  I'll admire the incredible talent all around me, on TV, in public office and in the workplace.

But that's tomorrow.

Not today.

Today I just feel sad.

Update on Tuesday, December 1, 2009 at 6:38AM by Ittybittycrazy

 

Draw your own conclusions:

 

Extract.

By Associated Press and KING5.com

Posted on December 1, 2009 at 4:07 AM

SEATTLE -  The man suspected of gunning down four police officers in a suburban coffee shop was shot and killed by Seattle police early Tuesday, a sheriff's spokesman said.

Maurice Clemmons was shot to death in a working-class south Seattle neighborhood after police tracked him down using possible hiding spots supplied by Pierce County investigators, said Ed Troyer, a spokesman for the county sheriff.

Authorities say Clemmons, 37, killed the four Lakewood officers at a coffee shop Sunday morning in Parkland, a Tacoma suburb about 35 miles south of Seattle.

Officials say the Tuesday morning confrontation took place at about 2:40 a.m. in the 4400 block of South Kenyon Street in the Rainier Valley neighborhood.

At the scene, a couple of dozen police officers milled around, shaking hands and patting each other on the back after one of the largest manhunts in the region's history.

At a news conference, police said a patrol officer came upon a reported stolen car. He observed some movement near the car and recognized the suspect.

"(The officer) says he recognized the person who was approaching him as to be looking or appeared to be just like the person who has been broadcast as the possible suspect in the tragic homicide in Lakewood," said Assistant Seattle Police Chief Jim Pugel.

The officer ordered the person to stop. The suspect began to run. The officer fired several rounds, hitting the suspect.  The suspect was dead at the scene. Police say the suspect was armed with a gun taken from one of the slain Lakewood Police officers.

...

Clemmons had a serious gunshot wound from one of the four officers killed in the coffee-shop shooting.

...

 

Extract.

Q13 FOX News Online

6:23 AM PST, December 1, 2009

 

SEATTLE - A two day manhunt had come to an end. Maurice Clemmons, the suspect in the murders of four Lakewood Police officers has been shot and killed by Seattle Police. Officers say at the time of the shooting Clemmons had a weapon on him that belonged to one of the the Lakewood officers he's accused of shooting.

It all began when a 7 year veteran to the Seattle police was patrolling the area of the 4400 block of South Kenyon Street in the Rainier Valley around 2:45 a.m. Tuesday morning. The officer noticed an unoccupied stolen vehicle parked on the side of the street. The vehicle was reported stolen earlier Monday night. The vehicle was running and no one was in it. That's when the officer noticed movement behind his patrol car. He got out of his patrol car and recognized a man who looked like Maurice Clemmons, the suspect in the Lakewood Police shootings approaching him. The officer ordered the man to stop and show his hands. The man refused and started to run back around the patrol car. The officer again told him to stop and fired several rounds. Seattle Fire quickly responded to the scene and it was determined that the man, Maurice Clemmons, was dead.

There have been several other arrests in the past 24 hours, including that of the suspected get-away driver and three other people who aided and abetted Clemmons over the past two day. Prosecutors will arraign all in the next 48 hours. Authorities are still actively working to find others who helped him including friends and relatives and Pierce County Sheriff's spokeman Ed Troyer says he expects more arrests Tuesday.

Authorities suspected 37-year old Clemmons of gunning down four police officers at Forza Coffee shop Sunday morning in Lakewood, a suburb about 35 miles south of Seattle. Troyer said Tuesday morning that Clemmons was shot in the abdomen during the attack on the Lakewood officers. Troyer said the wound was so bad it's hard to believe that Clemmons was able to survive for two more days.

His death comes just one day after authorities said they believed Clemmons was being helped to escape capture by a network of friends and family.

...

Clemmons had a warrant for four counts of first degree murder in the shooting deaths of Sgt. Mark Renninger, 39, and Officers Ronald Owens, 37, Tina Griswold, 40, and Greg Richards, 42.

 

 

Komo 4 News

Story Published: Dec 1, 2009 at 4:43 AM PST

Story Updated: Dec 1, 2009 at 5:51 AM PST

SEATTLE - The man suspected of gunning down four police officers in a suburban coffee shop was shot and killed by Seattle police early Tuesday, a sheriff's spokesman said.

Maurice Clemmons was shot to death around 2:40 a.m. on Kenyon Street outside a home in South Seattle.

Seattle Police Assistant Chief Jim Pugel said a Seattle police officer on patrol in South Seattle came upon an unoccupied running car that had been reported stolen earlier in the night. 

As the officer radioed in the license plate and began his investigation of the stolen car, he noticed someone behind his police cruiser. The officer got out and recognized the person as Clemmons, Pugel said.

The officer ordered the person to stop and show his hands, but the man did not comply and began to run away around the vehicle.

The officer fired several rounds and struck the man, gravely wounding him. Seattle medics responded and loaded the wounded man into an ambulance, but he was pronounced dead a short time later. Officers later confirmed the man was Clemmons.

Pugel said Clemmons had a gun on him that was traced back to one stolen from one of the killed officers at the Lakewood coffee shop.

The Seattle officer was not hurt in Tuesday morning's shooting. Pugel has not identified him, except to say he is a seven year veteran of the force. The officer has been placed on administrative leave as per standard policy. Police are also talking to two witnesses to the event.

Pugel said police are unsure why Clemmons was in that neighborhood and as of yet, have not connected him to any home in the area. 

In addition to Clemmons, three other people were arrested overnight for aiding and abetting in Clemmons' escape, said Pierce County Sheriff's Department spokesman Ed Troyer.

One of those included the driver of the getaway vehicle in the original shooting, and Troyer said he expects more arrests Tuesday. Troyer said these people tried to hide Clemmons, moved him from location to location, provided him with cell phones and money, and was helping him make arrangements to leave the state. 

"They are going to pay for it," Troyer said.

...

Police said they aren't sure what prompted Clemmons to shoot the officers as they did paperwork on their laptops. Clemmons was described as increasingly erratic in the past few months and had been arrested earlier this year on charges that he punched a sheriff's deputy in the face.

At the scene, a couple of dozen police officers milled around, shaking hands and patting each other on the back after one of the largest manhunts in the region's history.

Clemmons had stayed on the run for nearly two days with help from a network of friends and family who gave him places to stay, medical aid, rides and money, police said. Troyer told Fox News police arrested three people overnight on suspicion of rendering criminal assistance.

...

Killed were Sgt. Mark Renninger, 39, and Officers Ronald Owens, 37, Tina Griswold, 40, and Greg Richards, 42.

Troyer told the Tacoma News-Tribune that Clemmons indicated the night before the shooting "that he was going to shoot police and watch the news."

Police surrounded a house in a Seattle neighborhood late Sunday following a tip Clemmons had been dropped off there. After an all-night siege, a SWAT team entered the home and found it empty. But police said Clemmons had been there.

Police frantically chased leads on Monday, searching multiple spots in the Seattle and Tacoma area and at one point cordoning off a park where people thought they saw Clemmons.

Authorities found a handgun carried by the killer, along with a pickup truck belonging to the suspect with blood stains inside. They posted a $125,000 reward for information leading to Clemmons' arrest and alerted hospitals to be on the lookout for a man seeking treatment for gunshot wounds.

"We need to get him into custody and we need to end this," Troyer said Monday night.

Authorities in two states were criticized amid revelations that Clemmons was allowed to walk the streets despite a teenage crime spree in Arkansas that landed him an 108-year prison sentence. He was released early after then-Gov. Mike Huckabee commuted his sentence.

Huckabee cited Clemmons' youth in granting the request. But Clemmons quickly reverted to his criminal past, violated his parole and was returned to prison. He was released again in 2004.

"This guy should have never been on the street," said Brian D. Wurts, president of the police union in Lakewood. "Our elected officials need to find out why these people are out."

Huckabee said on Fox News Channel's "The O'Reilly Factor" Monday night that Clemmons was allowed back on the street because prosecutors failed to file paperwork in time.

Pulaski County Prosecutor Larry Jegley, whose office opposed Clemmons' parole in 2000 and 2004, said Huckabee's comments were "red herrings."

"My word to Mr. Huckabee is man up and own what you did," Jegley said.

Clemmons was charged in Washington state earlier this year with assaulting a police officer and raping a child, and investigators in the sex case said he was motivated by visions that he was Jesus Christ and that the world was on the verge of the apocalypse.

But he was released from jail after posting bail with the assistance of Jail Sucks Bail Bonds.

Documents related to those charges indicate a volatile personality. In one instance, he is accused of gathering his wife and young relatives and forcing them to undress.

"The whole time Clemmons kept saying things like trust him, the world is going to end soon, and that he was Jesus," a Pierce County sheriff's report said.

Being unemployed, I sit around at home a lot with the news channels on.

I was shocked by King County Prosecutor Dan Satterberg’s press conference detailing the charges against a Mr Monfort, who had killed a Police Officer in Seattle, Washington.  Although he started well, praising the Police Officers for their bravery and the public for help in finding the alleged killer, I think he used too much emotive language describing the charges.

Please don’t think that I am in any way siding with Mr Monfort, or that I don’t think that the murder of Officer Brenton was a tragic event.  

I just think that the Prosecutor has an ethical responsibility to leave emotive language out of a press statement, especially one before a trial.  I simply cannot see how a jury can be selected that isn’t prejudiced after this press conference.

I have copied, for contrast, the transcript of a Scotland Yard press conference held after a terrorist bomb attack in London.

I have underlined what I consider to be overemotional language in both press statements.

EXTRACTS FROM SATTERBERG’S PRESS CONFERENCE

Today we have charged Christopher Monfort with 5 separate criminal charges:

• 1 count of aggravated first degree murder for the murder of Officer Brenton
• 1 count of attempted first degree murder for his attack on Officer Sweeney
• 1 count of arson in the first degree and attempted first degree murder for his attack and his booby trap that he laid at the Charles Street facility, and
• 1 count of attempted first degree murder for trying to kill Sgt Nelson on the day of his arrest.

If convicted of aggravated first degree murder – the murder of Office Brenton – the defendant faces one of two possible penalties:

• Life in prison, without possibility of release, or
• The death penalty.

...

Today our public peace officers can take a deep breath and relax – just a bit – before they put on their uniforms and go about serving the citizens of this community.

Today the friends and family of Officer Brenton can properly mourn their loss, knowing that other Officers are not at risk from a known assassin. 

...

In the end, dedicated Police Investigators, working as a team with the citizens they serve, were able to put an end to the defendant’s war on law enforcement.

...

Our charges today allege that Christopher Monfort is responsible for planning and executing a one man war against the Seattle Police Dept.  The evidence that we will ultimately present at trial will show that Monfort is responsible for a series of attacks aimed at the Seattle Police Dept, resulting in the murder of a dedicated Police Officer, and the attempted murder of other officers.

First we allege that, in the early morning of October 22^nd, Monfort broke into the City of Seattle Vehicle Maintenance Yard (located on Charles Street, just South of this building) and, inside that lot, Monfort stared a fire in a Seattle Police Mobile Precinct Vehicle – one of those large vehicles that was parked at that scene.

But Monfort’s goal was not simply to cause property damage.  He had placed a number of home made bombs under nearby patrol cars that were fused to explode after the Mobile Precinct Vehicle caught on fire.   The initial fire was deliberately to lure the first responders in to fight that fire within the range of those bombs that were set underneath the gas tanks of nearby patrol cars.  The intent was clearly to kill those officers and first responders.  

We allege that Monfort’s intent to kill at the Charles Street Maintenance Yard is made even more clear by several notes that he left at the scene.  In these notes that Monfort left near the fire – so that investigators would find later – he declared that, quote, “these deaths” were the result of his anger over acts of Police brutality.   And he further warned the Police that they, quote, “better get ready to attend a lot more Police funerals,” unquote.

His anger towards Police was punctuated by a large hunting knife, with an American flag fixed to the handle, which was plunged through the roof of a patrol car.

Second we allege that, just nine days later, Monfort fulfilled his threats to kill with a much simpler and more cold-blooded attack.  At approximately 9:45 on Halloween night, Monfort sat in his 1980 Datsun 210 hatchback, watching and waiting for Officer Timothy Brenton and Trainee Officer Britt Sweeney to finish conducting a routine traffic stop.  He continued to watch and wait as the officers parked their car at 29^th and Yesler.  Unaware that they were being stalked, Officer Brenton went about the business of a diligent field training officer, teaching Officer Sweeney the art of good policing. 

We allege that Monfort then drove his car up to the driver’s side of the marked Seattle Police Officer Patrol Vehicle, and immediately opened fire with a high powered rifle.   From just a few feet away, he shot directly at the Officers, killing Officer Brenton immediately, and wounding Officer Sweeney. 

And with the same cold precision with which he approached his victims, Monfort reversed his car, to turn around in a nearby driveway.   But, before he sped from the scene, we allege that he dropped an American Flag bandana out the window.  The same calling card that he had left at the Charles Street scene.

Finally, as the Memorial Service for Officer Brenton was underway at Key Arena on the afternoon of November 6^th, we allege that Monfort was making plans for yet another showdown with Police.  His Tuckwila apartment was stockpiled with at least three high powered rifles, including the one used to kill Officer Brenton.  Also, he had a pistol grip shotgun and hundreds of rounds of ammunition, and numerous explosive devices. 

His arsenal of weapons suggested both that he was ready to continue his attacks, and that he was preparing to make a final armed stand should he be discovered.  As most of their colleagues were honoring Officer Brenton at Key Arena that afternoon, three members of the Seattle Police Dept – two Sergeants and a Detective – were outside of Monfort’s apartment in unmarked Police cars.  They’d received a tip from a concerned citizen who had recognized that Monfort’s 1980 Datsun V210 was now covered by a tarp, and that it resembled the car that Police were looking for in connection with the Halloween murders. 

When Monfort left his second floor unit, the plainclothes Officers identified themselves and asked to speak with him.  Monfort started to run towards his apartment, simultaneously turning and producing a handgun.  He ducked into a stairwell.  As one of the Officers, Detective Sgt Gary Nelson, ran after him, Monfort aimed his gun directly at Sgt Nelson and pulled the trigger. 

The gun did not fire.

It was fully loaded, but Monfort had apparently failed to chamber a round, and this oversight saved the life of the pursuing Police Officer, who was standing only a few feet away. 

Monfort ran further, this time chambering a round into his handgun.  He ran directly to his apartment, where guns, home made bombs, grenades, barricades and booby traps were strategically placed and ready. 

But, just before Monfort could reach his apartment door, Officers caught up to him.  Again he pulled his handgun and turned to fire – but Officers fired first, dropping Monfort just steps from his apartment.

Monfort was hit in the stomach and in the face.  He is currently in a stable condition in the hospital, and is expected to recover to face these charges. 

Investigative Officers later searched the defendant’s apartment.  Not only did they find several guns, including the high powered rifle used to murder Officer Brenton, but they found a number of home made bombs, and bomb making material – an intent to kill. 

Police discovered a bomb with a fuse connected to the kitchen stove, ready to explode at the turn of a dial.  They also found hand grenade-type bombs, built with very short fuses, filled with nails and wire, that could be lit and thrown at Officers. 

They also discovered a wall of automobile tires stacked near the entrance of the apartment.  These were mounted on rims, clearly designed to act as a barricade and as a bunker for an impending standoff. 

The evidence that’s outlined in the Certificate for Determination of Probable Cause that supports these charges today sets forth in even greater detail the fruits of this extraordinary investigation.  These details include a ballistics match between the rifle found at the Monfort apartment and the slugs recovered from the murder scene of Officer Brenton.  The details also describe a DNA profile match.  A match between Monfort’s profile, DNA found off the American flag bandana and the American flag left hanging at the Charles Street bombing. 

SCOTLAND YARD PRESS CONFERENCE

Press conference 25 July, 14:50

Deputy Assistant Commissioner Peter Clarke, Metropolitan Police Service Anti-Terrorist Branch said: 

"A few days ago we made a public appeal. The appeal was for help in identifying the four men we needed to urgently trace in connection with the attempts to set off four bombs on the transport system in London, last Thursday the 21st July. 

We still want to question them about the incidents at the Oval, Shepherd's Bush and Warren Street underground stations, and on a Route 26 bus in Hackney Road, at the junction with Colombia Road. 

I can tell you that since Thursday there have been developments in the investigation. 

I hope that by setting out some of what we have been able to learn over the past few days, the public may be able to contribute even more to the progress of the investigation. 

Three of the men we wish to trace all entered Stockwell underground station just before 12.25pm, last Thursday, 21st July 2005. 

The first man got onto a Northern line northbound train and shortly afterwards attempted to set off a bomb between Stockwell and Oval stations. The train stopped at Oval station and he was then chased from the station by extraordinarily brave members of the public who tried to detain him. He left the Oval station at about 12.35pm and ran along Brixton Road, towards Brixton. He went into Normandy Road, Cowley Road, Gosling Way, where at the junction with Mostyn Gardens, he threw away his top with the New York logo. He then went into Cancell Road, Frederick Crescent and Langton Road. He was last seen at a quarter to one in Tindall Street. 

The second man also went into Stockwell underground station. He was seen walking towards the platforms. We know that at 12.53 he got on a number 26 Bus in the Bank area of the City. He was carrying a grey & black rucksack and sat on a seat towards the back of the bus with the bag next to him. He too tried to set off a bomb. He got off the bus in Hackney Road at about five past one. 

We now believe the man on the bus who attempted to set off the bomb to be: 

Muktar SAID-IBRAHIM, also known as Muktar Mohammed-Said. We believe he was associated with, and has recently visited, 58 Curtis House in Ladderswood Way, London, N11. He is 27 years old and today I am also releasing another photograph of this man. 

As I speak we are currently searching a number of addresses in London including 58 Curtis House. 

A third man entered Stockwell underground station at the same time as the others with a small purple rucksack. He tried to set off a bomb on a northbound Victoria line train between Oxford Circus and Warren Street underground stations. Shortly afterwards, at about 12.40pm he was seen without the rucksack in Warren Street station. He then left the booking hall by vaulting over the ticket barrier and running towards the exit. We believe this man to be Yasin Hassan OMAR. He is 24 years-old. 

A fourth man involved in this series of attacks entered Westbourne Park underground station just after 12.20pm last Thursday. He was wearing a dark blue baseball cap and carrying a small rucksack. He then got on a train travelling towards Shepherds Bush. A short while later he too tried to set off a bomb. He then got off the train, probably by climbing through a window at the end of the carriage. He then made his way along the track for about two to three hundred yards, before climbing down into back gardens and making good his escape. He went along McFarlane Road, past the BBC building in Wood Lane, and was last seen running under the A40. 

Initial forensic examination of the four partially detonated devices has revealed clear similarities with yet another bomb which was found by a member of the public on Saturday 23rd July. This had apparently been abandoned in an open area at Little Wormwood Scrubs, in west London. 

All five of these bombs had been placed inside dark coloured rucksacks or sports bags. All of them were made using the same type of plastic food storage container. These were manufactured in India, and are exported through one company into this country and then sold in approximately 100 outlets across the United Kingdom. The type we are interested in is this six and a quarter litre sized container with a white plastic lid. It has a label describing it as a "Delta 6250 with Lid", and also has another coloured label with the description "Family Containers, Delta, Superior Quality." Please note that we are only interested in the white lid variety. They are also produced in other colours. 

My appeal is to any shop keepers and shop workers who may have sold five or more of these identical food containers in recent months, perhaps to the same customer. Do you remember selling a number of these white topped containers at the same time? Do you remember selling them to men you perhaps recognise from the CCTV images we have released?

I would appeal to anyone who has information about where these men currently are should immediately call 999 for an emergency urgent police response. The public should not approach them. 

Anyone who believes they know the identities of these men, or has any other information about them or their movements should contact the confidential Anti-Terrorist Hotline on XXX XXXXX."

I was at Costco today, and I passed the table of books for sale.  There, in the middle, were three piles of books by Glenn Beck.

Glenn Beck is a radio and TV personality on the much vilified Fox News channel (called Fucked News, Fox Skewed, Faux News, Fox Noise, Fox Spews) which is blatantly conservative. 

Glenn Beck, too, is blatantly conservative, famous for reports like his finding "Communist" art on the buildings around where he works in Manhattan.

Needless to say, I don't share his political views. 

But, so what?  

That doesn't explain why I found myself stepping over to the table, grabbing the books next to the Glenn Beck stack and trying to cover up all his books so no-one would buy them and muttering "No-one should give this man any money!"

As I was being completely irrational, an older woman, perhaps in her 60s or 70s, well groomed, came up to the table and started moving the books that I was using to cover Glenn Beck.

"Have you ever actually listened to him?" she asked me.

"Yes Ma'am, I have," I said and, realizing I was being completely nuts, walked away.

As I left, I felt a sadness, a weight bear down on me.  

Fluffy Bear had heard the exchange.

 "What's up, honey?" he asked me.

"These are the times," I told him, "when I am not sure if I want to live here."

"Aw honey," he replied.  "Don't worry about it.  Uber-Conservatives ran this country for the last 8 years and they managed not to break it."

"OH YES THEY DID!" I screeched.  "The financial collapse, the war, the national debt..."

 "OK, honey, take deep breaths..."

I did, but the sadness didn't lift and here I am, hours later, still thinking about this incident.  

Why am I going against everything I usually believe in and, instead of allowing others their views and opinions, thinking they are wrong?  Why am I so concerned about the vocal rise of the Conservatives since Obama took office?  Why does living in America, where I have a lovely home in a great town, amazing friends, wonderful scenery, feel like a guilty pleasure on a day like this?

I am an open-minded person, who is very tolerant of people's views, no matter what they are.

I grew up in South Africa, for God's sake.

I remember staying with friends in the North of the country and going shopping.  In the mall, there was a table with the AWB (Afrikaner Weerstandsbeweging), the closest thing South Africa has to the Klu Klux Klan.  

I didn't run up to them and cover up their books.  I didn't go over and argue with them.  

I just felt sorry for them, these people who were at the bottom of the White ladder and therefore having most to lose from the emancipation of the disenfranchised Black community.  

I didn't feel threatened by them.  I didn't feel like my country was in a downward spiral.  In fact, quite the opposite.  Even back in early 90's, we knew that positive change was coming.

Here, in a country that never institutionalized racism into law, the history currently being written is very different to South Africa's.

Unlike the AWB, who operated on the fringes, the right wing here has the might of the Fox channel, and people like Glenn Beck and Russ Limbaugh shouting across the airwaves, legitimizing their views as "news."  

Unlike Mandela and De Klerk, a revolutionary embraced by a member of the old guard - black meeting white with mutual respect - the right wing here refers to a mixed race man as Black and someone takes a gun to a rally where he is appearing.  

Unlike South Africa, where there was one key issue - giving Black people the vote so they could vote in their own representation - the right wing here is jumping on all sorts of issues which it says will ruin their country.  Someone yells at a person in a wheelchair at a healthcare town hall meeting "I am not paying for your medical bills!"  There are Tea Party meetings, referring to the famous incident in Boston, protesting against government spending and taxation.  Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh and others cheer when Rio wins the 2016 Olympics instead of Chicago, calling it the world rejecting Obama.

Why this noisy, cruel vitriol?

I wonder if the American culture - so successfully exported worldwide - may now be the very thing that is killing it's maker.

A country that has a very strong ethic of personal accountability and believes in the ability of the individual to achieve the American dream is not a country that believes in personal sacrifice for the common good.  

It's not even a country.  It's a set of "United States" and many say centralized government - whose very existence is to serve the common good - needs to "stay out of people's lives."  

But... here's why I worry.  Because...

...in a world where nature and globalization don't allow each US state to be self-sufficient, working together, for everyone's common good, has to start sometime 

...in a world where jobs can be done remotely and we are all moving towards a knowledge economy, having excruciatingly high university fees, intelligent kids who can't afford education and interference in schooling by Christian fundamentalists is going to affect you economically

...in a world where the USA's economy is intertwined with everyone else's, having people choose their jobs based on healthcare benefits, sending people into bankruptcy due to unforeseen medical bills and strangling new enterprise with over-large healthcare and pension bills, is going to cause the USA to continue to slip and slide into economic chaos

...in a world where we are all suffering economically, having inefficient, over-bloated healthcare system that doesn't take care of everyone is not only unethical, it's doesn't make good financial sense.

If things keep going badly, if the USA doesn't make major changes, the future is bleak.  

Really bleak.

And every old lady that buys into Glenn Beck and exercises her vote, keeps the USA headed down it's road to economic, political and environmental doom.

And I love my life here.  I love my friends.  I love the landscape.  I love the humor.  I love the down-home hospitality.  I love the TV.  I love Nordstrom.  I love Ben and Jerrys.  I love hotdogs.  I love waffles.  I love mac and cheese.  I love the work ethic.  Hell, I even love Garth Brooks.  

And there's so much of this amazing, beautiful, diverse country that I haven't even seen yet.

And I don't want it to go down the tubes.

And so I'm sad.

And today, I don't want to live here.

Because I love this place.  I want it to thrive. And instead, I am afraid I'll have to watch it get ruined.

Glenn Beck quotes:

Would you kill someone for that?...I'm thinking about killing Michael Moore...I could kill him myself, or if I would need to hire somebody to do it,...No, I think I could. I think he could be looking me in the eye, you know, and I could just be choking the life out. Is this wrong? I stopped wearing my What Would Jesus — band — Do, and I've lost all sense of right and wrong now. I used to be able to say, 'Yeah, I'd kill Michael Moore,' and then I'd see the little band: What Would Jesus Do? And then I'd realize, 'Oh, you wouldn't kill Michael Moore. Or at least you wouldn't choke him to death.' And you know, well, I'm not sure. 

• The Glenn Beck Program, May 17, 2005
• Posed question: What would people do for $50 million dollars?

Al Gore's not going to be rounding up Jews and exterminating them. It is the same tactic, however. The goal is different. The goal is globalization. The goal is global carbon tax.…You need to have fear. You needed to have the fear of starvation. You needed to have the fear of the whole place going to hell in a handbasket. Which — do we have that fear now with global warming?…Then you have to discredit the scientists that say 'That's not right.' And you must silence all dissenting voices. That's what Hitler did. That's what Al Gore, the U.N., and everybody on the global warming bandwagon [are doing].^[4]

• The Glenn Beck Program, April 30, 2007
• Glenn Beck on Al Gore's An Inconvenient Truth

Source: http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Glenn_Beck

Update on Tuesday, October 6, 2009 at 5:27PM by Ittybittycrazy

 

62% of personal bankruptcies in the USA are caused by medical debt

Source: HealthcareforAmericaNow.org TV ad

 

We are about to go to a Block Party.

This seems to me to be an American phenomenon.  In suburban England, one does not consort with one's immediate neighbors.

I remember talking to a friend in the UK who had met her neighbor and got on well with her.  Then, she said, her neighbor asked her out.  She found a way to refuse.  When I asked her why, she said that being close to one's neighbor's is dangerous. 

"What if we become friends and then have a fight?" she asked.  "Then I have to see her every day."

Although I was initially horrified at her close-mindedness, after I thought about it, I saw her point.  It's a bit like the magazine articles these days that advise women not to shag men who live in their apartment building.

In England, if you happen to see your neighbor you do one of five things:

• Say "Hello", and smile, no teeth
• Wave and smile, no teeth
• Nod at them with small smile, no teeth
• Duck under your umbrella and pretend you didn't see them
• Take out your mobile phone and act like you have a call

Any other communication is carried out by letter, slipped through the letter box slot in the front door.  Even exchanging email addresses is too intimate.

I see people on the news here, when they are being interviewed about someone on their street found dead, or whose house burnt down, or whatever, saying things that indicate that, to some extent, they knew the person.

They say things like:

"Yeah, our kids used to play together.  They were a nice family."

In suburban England, the only reply would be:

"Well, he seemed like a nice chap.  Always said hello when we saw each other out gardening."

Or...

"They seemed like a nice family.  Never made any trouble.  No noisy parties or anything like that."

It's three minutes till we are supposed to step out and meet our fellow block dwellers.  We are sitting on the couch, front door closed, watching British TV.  Probably because we need a quick reminder of who we are and where we come from before we have to go out and assimilate.

Wish us luck.

Update on Tuesday, September 1, 2009 at 9:32AM by Ittybittycrazy

Kumar, who kindly left a comment (Hint! Hint!) has asked me what the mingling was like.

It was very nice, and very interesting.

One on one, people fascinate me and, 99% of the time, are very nice, so the conversations I had were great. 

Those of you who read this regularly will know that I am not a big fan of kids, so we'll gloss over that part.  They were there.  We ignored them.

The food brought by everyone else was very home made and very yummy.  It may be just that there is more of a tradition of cooking here (you try and cook regularly and significantly in a closet-sized British kitchen).  Or, of course, it could be that there was a little competitiveness going on.  Just a smidge.  A soupcon.  A nano-floobble. 

We have very different priorities  - as demonstrated by our offering on the table.  We bought some cheap-ass mini chocolate cupcakes with coloured thingies on them to keep the kids away from us.  But  - and it is a big but - we brought good alcohol.

We took a massive jug of Pimms and lemonade, the quintessential English summer drink, complete with floating bits of cucumber and orange. 

Of course, people had no idea what it was - or how lethal it is - and so they were quaffing it down.  Wasn't long before I had to take the jug back up to the house and refill it. 

Fluffy Bear said he heard someone say it was interesting iced tea! 

And so we are responsible, no doubt, for the hangovers of many people on our block on Monday morning.

 

"Resistance is futile - you will be assimilated."

The Borg, Star Trek

I don't mind taking on elements of the culture of my host country... it's natural that I would.

But we have guests from the UK staying with us this week and, because I am now reminded how Londoners speak, I realize how much my vocabulary has changed.

And so I say:

• "Wah-duh" rather than "War-tuh" (mainly because servers in restaurants don't understand what I want otherwise)
• "Hey" rather than "Hello," or even "Hi"
• "See ya" rather than "Cheers"
• "What's up with you?" rather than "How are you?"
• "I'm sick" rather than "I'm ill"
• "Can we get the check?" rather than "Can we please have the bill?"
• "Good job!" rather than "Well done!"

It's most noticeable when I swear:

• No longer "Bollocks!" but "Asswipe!"
• No longer "Pillock!" but "Dickwad!"
• No longer "Arsehole" but "Asshole"

I wonder if learning how to say "Ass" rather than "Arse" qualifies me for citizenship?

I'm not sure that would have been helpful in my Green Card interview... but you never know...

England, as you probably know, is a very small place. Imagine Texas farted. That would be England.

Some might argue that, historically, it's the other way around, but let's not go there.

There are malls in England. Some are relatively big, but nothinglike what you have here. We just don't have the space. Thank God.

So there we are in LA and we stumble on a new mall in Glendale. The mall is a hollow square, with a big area in the middle - let's call it a piazza.

The piazza has grass and fountains and little carts where more stuff is sold. In one corner there's a cinema, there are restaurants with patios and lots of high end stores. It's all very clean and nice. Too clean and nice, when you come from Europe and cities are old and dirty.

But, OK, I can live with that.

The fountains shoot spurts of water in constant accompaniment with piped show tunes. On top of the stores, there are condoes. It's a mystery to me who wants to live in a place where "Fly me to the Moon" and similar songs blast out from 9am to 6pm but hey - it takes all sorts to make a world, as my mother used to say. They choose to live there - it's their problem.

I can live with that.

I am starting to get used to the idea of the Mall being a destinationfor the day. Something to look at, to experience, like the beach or the mountains. It's depressing, but it's a fact - families go to the mall as an outing.

I can live with that.

There was a fake San-Francisco-type tram going round the outer edge of the piazza. It was cute and fun for kids with the conductor ringing the bell.

I can live with that, too.

What I couldn't stand was - wait for it - it had a tour guide. I actually heard him as the tram rumbled past...

"And here we have Crate and Barrel. There's the Gap on your left and..."

A tram tour of a mall?

Are you fracking kidding me?

  

 "SPLITTERS!!!"

I have included the scores of my dear friend, Everywhereventually, a Eurovision aficionado. You can see his take on Eurovision and his reviews on the songs on his site, here. 

Eurovision Semi-final 2 Song Reviews

Here are my Eurovision song reviews for the songs which will be in the second semi-final. You can find the songs on YouTube or eurovision.tv.

My previous reviews are here. An explanation of what the feck Eurovision actually is is here.

I have included the scores of my dear friend, Everywhereventually, a Eurovision officionado. You can see his take on Eurovision and his reviews on the songs on his site, here. Check the blog archives on the right.

Croatia - Lijepa Tena
As soon as this song started I thought I was in a Greek or Italian restaurant and someone had put on a CD for ambience. The song is not in either of those languages, of course, it just has that restaurant-CD feel. The man and woman singing didn’t harmonize very well in the version I saw – hopefully they do better on the night. Then they both started warbling. Spare me.
Score: 3/10
EE score: 33/100

Ireland – Et cetera
All woman band in an 80s look with black shirt-dresses and pink glitter lycra leggings. Oh yes, this is what I’m talking about. Cheesy. Silly. Catchy. Pop so shallow an ant couldn’t drown in it. Perfect.
Score: 8/10
EE score: 32/100

Latvia – Sastrēgums
90s rock/pop/indie/whatever. The band seems to be taking themselves far too damn seriously. This poprock song is completely unmemorable, despite the band’s efforts to shout certain words annoyingly. Not in English, which won’t help their score. Whatever.
Score: 3/10
EE score: 31/100

Serbia – Cipela
The song opens with some killer accordion playing, which is then somewhat strangely followed by a middle aged white man with a beard and a strange red afro singing a-la-Topol in Fiddler on the Roof. The great accordion is let down by a horrible synthetic beat and this awful raspy singing. Then a very pretty blonde dances on and is dipped by big hair guy and blows him a kiss. Yeah, dude, AS IF.
Score: 3/10
EE score: 10/100

Poland – I don’t Wanna Leave
A lovely voice catches the attention immediately. A pretty girl, a power ballad. Nice, but not interesting enough to win.
Score: 7/10
EE score: 34/100

Norway – Fairytale
Norway is never boring. But one is never sure exactly what Norwegian culture is as each year that I have seen them they seem to show the essence of another country. Here we have what looks like Russian dancers and a fresh-faced boy who plays the fiddle and sings. He sings and plays rather well and the song is simple, but satisfactory. Actually, this isn’t too bad. The kind of song you’d clap along to and is benign enough to be played on an Easy Listening station.
Score: 8/10
EE score: 84/100

Cyprus – Firefly
Pretty young woman, conservatively dressed, singing sweetly. I thought for a moment that this was building into something interesting, but it turned out to be another song that could be in a Disney animated movie. I kept visualizing an animated firefly hopping across a pond. Someone else could take this song and do a complete makeover with it and perhaps have a hit. But not this band.
Score: 6/10
EE score: 52/100

Slovakia – Let T’mou
A ballad in a foreign language sung by a pretty girl. Then some slimy guy with too much hair gel comes on and they don’t harmonize. Shitakia.
Score: 2/10
EE score: 18/100

Denmark – Believe Again
Yum. Cute lead singer. Cute band. Cute song. Wakey wakey girlie bijingoes! The song isn’t quite catchy enough but it’s good eye candy without infantile boy band dance moves.
Score: 8/10
EE score: 42/100

Slovenia – Love Symphony
Nice staging – the performers each behind their own white screen, backlit, so you see them as shadows playing their instruments. But then the four violinists reach up and pull down their own white screens – tacky that they couldn’t come up with something automatic – and a Hooked on Classics beat comes in. Then the lead singer starts to sing a bit from behind her screen. Oh! I get it. The violinists and cellist are the main players – she’s a token vocal! All she sings is “Feeling free in this love symphony” and a few other lines I couldn’t discern because she was shrieking. Oh wait, she’s torn down her screen now. Hmmmm. Whatever.
Score: 5/10
EE score: 53/100

Hungary – Dance with Me
OK this song is far too good to be a Eurovision song. This should be a REAL song on an album. Disco beat. Cute guy. Fun. I like it. It will play in clubs, for sure.
Score: 10/10
EE score: 67/100

Azerbaijan – Always
Pop song with ethnic under-beat. Not as good as Turkey’s Dum Tek Tek but not bad. Chorus is catchy. Another one that will play in Ibizan clubs over the summer.
Score: 9/10
EE score: 68/100

Greece – This is our Night
Dance beat, cute guy thrusting his hips. Promising, but the chorus doesn’t deliver. There are other countries doing the same thing better.
Score: 7/10
EE score: 86/100

Lithuania – Love
Melodic piano opens the song. Cute guy, cute hat, plays and sings. Chorus isn’t bad but Elton John he aint. This is the kind of boy, kind of song, you want to take home to Mom. Up to you to judge if that is a good or bad thing.
Score: 6/10
EE score: 64/100

Moldova - Hora Din Moldova
Having the name of the country in the song title doesn’t auger well. Starts with a woman quasi-yodelling and pan flutes. Then the Baltic beat comes in. Lots of Hey-Heys and dancing in lines kicking. Oh dear. I’m back in the Greek restaurant again.
Score: 6/10
EE score: 92/100

Albania – Carry me in your Dreams
Ooh! Good beat to start. Oh dear, here comes the cheesy pop synth beat. There is nothing wrong with shallow pop if it is well done. This isn’t.
Score: 5/10
EE score: 90/100

Ukraine – Be my Valentine (anti-crisis girl)
This woman is just…. Well... scary.
More badly written English lyrics: On my pride and prejudice/I will just reminisce/These are the things you can’t miss/Come on give me a kiss.
She keeps ending every line with "BOM" and when she precedes it with "you are sexy" it sounds like “You are sexy bum.” Flashbacks to the Cheeky Girls! AAARGH!
I don’t know how or why but the beat, the melody, the song just somehow ends up being farce instead of fun.
Score: 6/10
EE score: 95/100

Estonia – Randajad
This reminds me of those sexy classical girls like Vanessa Mae. There is something dark and elegant and sensual about this one, but not in slutty way.
The lead singer is stunningly beautiful and her hair would make the average Goth girl want to cry. Long, black, straight with a 100% symmetrical fringe across her ivory skinned face.
If she can sing in English we may see her getting a mainstream recording contract. This is a very refreshing entry, but I don’t think it is a contender for the top spot.
Score: 9/10
EE score: 81/100

The Netherlands – Shine
This is what happened to Abba in a parallel universe. They got old and fat but kept singing, and their songs were OK but not really as catchy and fun and good as they used to be.
I know I am being ageist and a beauty Nazi but really, this is just a bit lame. It’s like your dad getting up to do Karaoke in public at your birthday party in front of all your friends. Ick.
Score: 4/10
EE score: 61/100

Montenegro – Just Get out of my Life
Genre: Bubblegum
Performer: Bubblehead brunette
Strange dissonance between the elegant dress of the singer and lack of backup dancers while singing a poppity-pop song. You can tell she’d rather be doing a Celine Dion.
The key to a pop song is that the tune is catchy, sticks in your head and the lyrics are good, but simple enough to instantly allow you to sing along. This one isn’t actually that bad. They’ll lose on presentation though.
Score: 8/10

Czech Republic – Aven Romale
Genre: Ethnic with pop overlay
Performer: Group with traditional instruments and… well, read on.
I had to rewind this video on YouTube and watch it again. The group starts surrounding the singer. Two violinists and two guitarists, all dressed in black. Between them you see bright orange peeking through, and, as they part, there is a billowing of fabric. I expected a tall, statuesque brunette in a tasteful cocktail dress.
But no.
It’s a strange little man in an orange jumpsuit with a cape who then gets all hip hop before returning to a gypsy beat. His disturbing tiny triangle goatee gives him the face of an arch-nemesis, while his badly fitting clothes deliver a superhero from the neck down. It’s all very, very strange.
Score: Irrelevant. Too fecking weird.

Belgium – Copycat
Genre: Elvis
Elvis impersonator lead singer, doo wop backing singers with big pink hair, a guy on a double bass and a guy on vintage style electric guitar. In the background, some adorable animation. Fun, cute, upbeat and well executed. I am not sure if the voting audience will go for a fifties vibe, but I love it.
Score: 10/10

Belarus – Eyes that Never Lie
Genre: Rock
At first I thought this was going to be boring. Another rock song with noisy electric guitar proving that there are a few kinds of music that Europe simply cannot do better than the good ole U S of A. And then the lead singer comes out.
Platinum hair, hot off the hairdresser’s straightening tong press, whiter than white suit, a mile of smile and acres of ego.
The sleeves of the jacket have some kind of strange long stiff cuffs so he looks like he has coffee filters on his wrists.
Oh, God – jacket unzipped at the front half way to his navel… ick.
Considering the tyranny of beauty standards to which women are held, I choose to discriminate equally and so I feel completely justified in telling you that the singer has a slightly fat arse. Why the hell is he wearing white?
You will notice I am not talking about the song at all. That’s because it’s still playing and I’ve already completely forgotten it.
Score: 2/10

Sweden – La Voix
Genre: Opera-pop. And yes, you’re right, there shouldn’t be such a thing.
What’s the name of that woman that sent a picture of herself naked to Sly Stallone and then married him? Well, whatever her name is, imagine her still young and with long stringy hair and you have the lead singer of this song.
Starting with a faux operatic warble, like you might find in a stage musical, the backing singers/dancers/eye candies part and there she is, in a strange black gown with feathers on her shoulders.
Oh God she’s gone back to warbling, only now over a bubblegum pop beat. It’s like a nightmare Hooked on Classics.
Let me tell you a secret darling, doing this kind of song doesn’t prove that you can do pop and opera – it just proves you’re crap at both.
Oh feck, I swear she just gargled.
Puppy dog is now barking in protest.
Verily, dear brethren, this sucks.
Score: NUL POINTS

Armenia – Jan Jan
Genre: Ethnic pop
Starts with warbling which, after the last abomination, is not a good sign. But then some kind of local instrument and a good beat. First woman singer is a OK, then in comes the other one saying they are a team. Is this a repeat of Russia’s little gay girls of a few years ago?
Oh, no. They are sisters.
This song has a chance. It has the same kind of gypsy/ethnic/pop vibe that often wins. Good beat, but I don’t think the chorus is in English which will negatively impact memorability.
Oh dear. The sisters appear to be riffing and yelling “Jump it up with a Jan Jan!”
Hard to tell how this will do.
Score: 7/10

Andorra – Get a Life
Genre:
Blonde with a messy hairstyle and short skirt holding a guitar. I am surprised she can keep her eyes open with all that black makeup.
Singing in a language other than English – that never helps you get votes.
This song sounds like something off an album by a singer from a girl band who has tried to break out on her own but her first single just isn’t good enough to stand out.
Yawn.
Score: 6/10

Switzerland – the Highest Heights
Genre: Boy band
The right slightly messy hair, leather jackets, every band member wearing something in black, lolloping around the stage like boys in band do… they sure do look the part.
But the song is boring.
Blah.
Score: 6/10

Turkey – Dum Tek Tek
Genre: EuroPop
This is perfection. This is what a Eurovision song should be – instantly catchy, a soupcon of the country it comes from (the title, an instrument warbling through the drums), fun, memorable lyrics that anyone could sing whether they are English speaking or not, sexy – but not slutty – singer.
Stunning
Score: 10/10

Israel – There must be another way
Genre: Easy listening
I’ve looked this up on Google and it seems that one singer, Noa, is a top Jewish recording artist, while Mira Awad is a Christian Arab singer and actress. The song is sung in English, Hebrew and Arabic.
This is the first time an Arab has represented Israel in the contest. Well, once they had had a transsexual, one could argue all doors were opened. However, at least Dana International was good. As much as I like the fact that a song with this title and these symbolic performers has got through for Israel, I doubt the world will see the message because it just isn’t good enough to get through to the final. Then again, it might get through purely as a political ploy so the message can get out there. We all know that peace between Israel and Palestine would make a large contribution to peace for us all.
The woman wrote the song. Genius women– getting on a major public stage with a message of peace.
On a lighter note, I have no idea who dressed these women but that person should be shot for the good of mankind.
Score (non-political): 6/10

Bulgaria – Illusion
Genre: Excrement
Fresh-faced boy singer who, inexplicably, is wearing chainmail. It’s like a bad, noisy Pet Shop Boys song. The various vocals don’t gel together, the lyrics are indiscernible, the tune is tedious, the boy singer keeps warbling like a castrato with only one ball cut off. Just, well, crap.
Score: 4/10

Iceland – Is it true?
Genre: Pop Ballad
Pretty blonde girl who sings well. A nice enough song, Cherryl Crow or Carly Simon style. Nice enough. Not fun though.
Score: 7/10

FYR Macedonia - Neshto Shto Ke Ostane
Genre: Rock
A few years ago a glam rock band dressed like Orks won. Since then at least a few countries try going this route. Jon Bon Jovi 80s hair, jeans, shirt untucked, waistcoat… you get the idea.
Not singing in English – a minus. Boring rock.
Score: 6/10

Finland – Lose Control
White boys shouldn’t rap unless they are White Trash and especially not if they aren’t first language English speakers. The female singers were amateurish. Even having people behind them twirling fire batons couldn’t make this interesting. No catchy tune. Lame lyrics. Bad singers. Crap.
Score: 2/10
EE score: 48/100

Portugal: Todas as Ruas do Amor
A rather sturdy woman with strange bits of red stuff plaited into her hair with an acoustic band behind her sings a very boring song in Portugese. Clearly all you have to do to give this woman a great date is take her to MacDonalds, because she dances as if the song she is singing actually has a fun beat and melody. It obviously doesn’t take much to please her.
Score: 2/10
EE score: 54/100

Malta – What if we
A nice song which you might hear on a Broadway stage or as a background to a Disney animated movie. It even has the inspirational lyrics: “There will be a star, no matter how far, shining…” The woman who sings it is good, but the song is no fun at all. I keep waiting for a small, cute, fluffy, animated dog to appear, training in Kung Fu.
Score: 5/10
EE score: 32/100

Bosnia & Herzegovina – Bistra Voda
Pale little boy with bad hair dressed in a coat he stole from Adam Ant. Actually, the arrangement and melody of this song are growing on me. But, sadly, it’s like foreplay that doesn’t lead to climax and, eventually, gets less and less exciting. There seems to be a military motif which, considering the country’s recent history, may indicate that the song is steeped in meaning. However, as it isn’t sung in English, I’ll never know, and neither will the people who vote on the night.
Score: 6/10
EE score: 13/100

Whatever they are, having grown up on US sitcoms and Hollywood movies, I tend to get tired of:

• The notion that a woman has dreamed of her wedding day since she was a kid


• The relationship break-up in a public place


• The nightmare family reunion over a public holiday


• The older, sassy, sexual grandmother/aunt (because we all know a woman daring to be sexual after 30 must be the object of hilarity)


• The fat friend - confidant,but never competition


• Making bridesmaids wear hideous dresses


• Losing your virginity at Prom

And in case you think I'm being anti-American, here are some British on-screen cliches you may recognize:

• Love accross class lines


• Gender-bending


• Keeping tight lipped when communication would solve all problems


• Misunderstandings and near-misses, farce


• Looking down on foreigners


• The English person who talks loudly and slowly at the non-English speaker

Are these things a hyperbole of who we really are?

I hope not...

• First, you need to understand that Europe is a collection of small countries that enjoy differing from each other. Sure, we have the EU, but don't be fooled. Language varies, culture varies and there is a long, long history of wars that lingers in the collective psyche


• Second, know that England considers themselves better than the rest of the countries. France probably does too. And Germany. And Russia. And... you get the point


• Third, the countries are supposed to submit a song that is written by a local and performed by a non-professional band. Occassionally you have big stars perform, or they may be big stars in their own country, but real singing mega stars would never take part because...


• Fourth, Eurovision is quintessentially uncool, which is a big part of it's charm


• Fifth, the borders of "Europe" seem to extend every year. Suddenly Russia is included, for instance


• Sixth, most countries take it very, very seriously. The rivalry can be as intense as the Olympics


• Last but not least, England seems to take a very different attitude to the competition to the other countries. We enjoy the tackiness and really see it as a chance to take the piss out of the other countries. It's kindof like a holiday to Vegas. You aren't going there for a highbrow, cultured time. You're going so you can bitch about how awful it all is, dress badly, behave badly, wallow in kitsch.

See Eurovision in action

If you want to see the Eurovision songs, go to their official website here, or just search in YouTube on the country name, "Eurovision" and the year to see a video of the horror.

How Eurovision works officially

Each country submits a song. There are so many countries participating now that there are semi-finals where the crappier ones are weeded out. This is a pity, because this means the absolutely horrific hilarity is excluded from the Final.

Some countries qualify for the Final automatically, such as the country that won the previous year.

The country that wins hosts the next competition. One of the Eurovision legends is about how Ireland kept winning, how it cost them a bunch to host and so they put an an entry that was so godawful that they had to lose. And they keep this tradition up. See the link under "Insane" below.

At the end of the competition, people in each country call in to vote for the song they liked the most. They cannot vote for their own country.

The votes are tallied and then the hosts link to random presenters in each country who report the results of their country's vote. 12 points are given to the song voted for most, then 10, then 8, 7, 6 down to 1.

Again, since there are so many countries in it now, these regional presenters only report the top three scores these days.

The official languages of Eurovision are English and French, so all scores are said by the presenter in the voting country in one of the languages, then repeated by one of the host presenters in the other language.

As the scores are presented, the leader board is updated, till the winner is clear.

What really happens

The commentary

England's attitude to the Eurovision is summed up by the man who has done the voiceover for the competition for years and years and years and years, Terry Wogan. Terry is Irish, and makes hilarious, mean comments throughout the proceedings.
Examples:

"Doctor Death and the Tooth Fairy," – his take on the hosts of the 2001 contest
in Denmark.

"Who knows what hellish future lies ahead? … Actually, I do. I've
seen the rehearsals," - opening remark for the 2007 show in Finland.

See more quotes here: http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2008/dec/05/bbc-television

The songs

The songs are usually utterly dire. Some countries sing in their own language, and it is often the small countries who don't share their language with anyone else (like Greece) who do this. Seeing as your own country can't vote for you, singing a song which is incomprehensible to all others is not the smartest strategy. Of course, it does make the song that much funnier.

Songs and performances fall into one of the following categories:

• Bubble gum pop. This is usually staged with santily clad females jiggling their bits. The lyrics, if the song is done in English by a non-English speaking country, can be purile. e.g.

Today you think you are the winner, today you think you are the king
You make me sweat in my emotions under your fly-away, fly-away wing

• Cultural ditty. These are the best. Strange musical instruments, strange costumes, strange language, strange staging. Just strange. Example here.


• Opera. These people just don't get it. Eurovision is supposed to be fun. These songs never get any votes.


• Mourning ballad. Tedious


• Insane. These are just, well, crazy songs. Example: Ireland's turkey puppet

The scores

The tedium of scores being presented in two languages is epic. This is where consumption of alcohol comes into its own. See "Games", below.

The funny thing about the scores is how racist they are. You can basically predict which country will give which other country the full 12 points. The Baltic states stick together. Because Germany has a huge Turkish immigrant population, they vote for Turkey. France will NEVER give England anything, and vice-versa (The War, remember? And no, I don't mean Iraq).

To see a concrete example of this, look up who gave who the maximum of 12 points here.

The games

Watching Eurovision requires two things: 1) Friends 2) Alcohol.

The obvious game is to drink a drink inspired by each country as they perform. You may have to be a bit creative with your liquor cabinet.

The second game is to download the scoresheets from the official Eurovision website, and allocate the 12, 10, etc. points yourself. This creates great debate amongst friends, which escalates in proportion to alcohol consumption.

The winner

Nobody really cares who wins. Few Eurovision performers have had it launch their career... the notable exception is Abba. Some songs end up being played in European nightclubs over the summer, but that's about it.

It's really just a fun evening. Kinda like Miss Universe used to be before it became so Non-PC. I say do a Mr and Miss Universe combined and they're back in business but, hey, that's a whole 'nother post...