Puppy Girl:  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

Puppy Dog:  What are you screaming about?

Puppy Girl:  [Shaking head furiously]  Mama's putting stinky water in my ears!  Why, Mama, why?

Puppy Dog:  Just stand still.  There'll be treats after.

Puppy Girl:  But why?  WHY IS SHE DOING THIS?  STOP IT MAMA!

Puppy Dog:  It's to clean---

Puppy Girl:  AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!  The other ear!  The other ear!  I HATE YOU MAMA!

Puppy Dog:  [Sigh]  Just.  Stand.  Still.

Puppy Girl:  Now she's massaging this gross stuff into my ear?  Heavenly Dog!  What IS this?

Puppy Dog:  I was trying to tell you!  She's cleaning your ears!

Puppy Girl:  [Chomp, chomp]  Mmmmmm, treats...  BUT I STILL HATE YOU MAMA!

Puppy Dog:  Mama has to put that stuff into our ears because wax builds up in there and we can get sick.  [Shaking]  Brrrrlllllbbbbb!

Puppy Girl:  See?  See?  It's horrible.

Puppy Dog:  I never said I liked it.  I said she had to do it.  [Shaking]  Brrrrlllllbbbbb!

Puppy Girl:  How do you know all this stuff?  

Puppy Dog:  I know because I heard Mama and Dada talking about it.  

Puppy Girl:  Hmmph!  I still hate Mama.  I'm not talking to her.  Ever!

Puppy Dog:  Do you remember when you had to go to the vet that time?  And he looked in your ears?  And then you got medicine?

Puppy Girl:  Don't remind me!  That vet rubbed me all over and put his hands in my mouth and put things in my ears!

Puppy Dog:  Exactly.  That's cos you were sick.  And if Mama doesn't clean our ears, we get sick and you have to go to the vet again.

Puppy Girl:  I don't care!  I still hate Mama!  So there!

Puppy Dog:  Life isn't always a fatty scrap of barbecued steak, kid.  You'll learn.

Puppy Girl:  Oh whoop de doo!  When did Dog put YOU in charge?

Puppy Dog:  I'm bigger than you.  I'm older than you.  I'll ALWAYS be in charge, Dog or no Dog, so get used to it.

Puppy Girl:  Oh SHUT UP!

Puppy Dog:  Do you want me to pin you?  Do you?

Puppy Girl:  MAMA!  MAMA HE'S HURTING ME!  MAMA, PLEASE PICK ME UP AND CUDDLE ME!  I LOVE YOU MAMA!

Puppy Dog:  Stupid baby.

 

Puppy Girl:  Hey, big bro, what's Christmas?

Puppy Dog:  It's a big dog thing.  When you're older you'll understand.

Puppy Girl:  Aw, come on.  Tell me!  You've seen it before, right?

Puppy Dog:  [Indignant sniff!]  Of course I have!  I've seen it twice!

Puppy Girl:  Wow!  BOW wow wow!  So tell me - what's it all about?  What's it like?

Puppy Dog:  Well, it's a hairless ape thing.  They bring a tree that doesn't smell of anything out of a box from upstairs, and they put lights on it. 

Puppy Girl:  And balls!  Hanging, bobbling, shiny balls!

Puppy Dog:  Trust me, kid.  Don't try to play with those.  They're not for us.

Puppy Girl:  OK, whatever.  I've seen the funny smelling tree.  What else happens?

Puppy Dog:  Well they hang those big socks above the fire box and put stuff all over the house.

Puppy Girl!  I'M NOT BLIND!  I can see all that stuff.  What happens on the day?

Puppy Dog:  Well, there's strange white stuff called snow on the ground.  It's cold and it's lots of fun because it's soft and you can run around in it and play!

Puppy Girl:  Cooooooool!  What else?

Puppy Dog:  Well, on the big day Mama and Dada get up and take those funny boxes from under the tree.  If Mama put paper around the box, she gives it to Dada.  And if Dada put paper around the box, he gives it to Mama.  Then they take the paper off and pretend to be happy.

Puppy Girl:  What's in the boxes?  

Puppy Dog:  I dunno.  Hairless ape stuff.  Nothing insteresting.  I've smelled them all - there's no food.

Puppy Girl:  Booooooring.  What else?  What else?

Puppy Dog:  Then we get new toys!

Puppy Girl:  Toys?  I love toys!

Puppy Dog:  No kidding.

Puppy Girl:  TOTALLY SICK, DUDE!  What else?  What else?

Puppy Dog:  Then Uncle Bill comes and they open other boxes and eat a lot of food and drink that water that makes them walk silly.

Puppy Girl:  Do we get food?

Puppy Dog:  Just stay near the big table and be good.  They seem nicer with the scraps that day.

Puppy Girl:  ARFALICIOUS!  I love scraps!  What else?  What else?

Puppy Dog:  Then they sit in front of the flicker box and watch the little people.  Then they eat more and drink more and that's about it.  Then we go to bed.  Don't walk to close to them on the way to the bedroom... they stumble a lot.

Puppy Girl:  And the next day... what happens the next day?

Puppy Dog:  Same thing, except no new toys.  And there isn't new food... it's the food left from the day before.

Puppy Girl:  So what?  Even TEN day old food is good!  In fact, it smells way better!  Hey, are Mama and Dada are home all day?

Puppy Dog:  Yep.

Puppy Girl:  New toys, food, Mama and Dada home all day, fluffy white stuff to play in... IT SOUNDS DOGaTASTIC!

Puppy Dog:  Well, the tree is up and the cold box has a lot of food in it, so it must be close...

Puppy Girl:  Yaaaaay!  Christmas is coming!  Arooooooooooooooooooo!

Puppy Dog:  It's gonna be fun, I have to admit.

Puppy Girl:  [Bounce!]  Christmas is coming!  Arooooooooooooooo! Aroooooooooo!

Puppy Dog:  Yes, yes.  It's all very exciting.  But shhhh now.

Puppy Girl:  [Bounce!  Bounce!]  Christmas is coming!  Arooooooooooooooo! AROOOOOOOOOOOO!

Puppy Dog:  [Sigh.]  Maybe this is why Mama always says Christmas is a headache...

 

 

Puppy Girl:  EW!  Why does she do that?

Puppy Dog:  What?

Puppy Girl:  Try to suck my face off.  It's gross!

Puppy Dog:  You mean Mama?

Puppy Girl:  No, the Fairy Dogmother.  YES I mean Mama!  She bends over me and purses her fat hairless ape lips and makes a strange schlooping sound and leans in to suck my face!

Puppy Dog:  Sigh.  That's not what she's doing.  She's kissing you.  That's how hairless apes do it.  They don't lick like we do.

Puppy Girl:  Why not?  They have tongues, just like us!

Puppy Dog:  I don't know.  Maybe it's because their lips are so much bigger than ours.  Maybe they can't get them out of the way to let their tongue out far enough.

Puppy Girl:  Aw... they're deformed!

Puppy Dog:  Of course they are!  I mean, how about the hairless thing?  All those silly furs they have, all that time it takes to put them on, all that grunting when Mama tries to close those 'Jeans' things. We can just go outside whenever we want to.  

Puppy Girl:  I know!  And they can't run nearly as fast as we do.  Thank goodness they can go to that big house of food, because they sure as hell can't hunt with those big flabby legs.

Puppy Dog:  Have you ever seen them run?  Sometimes I run away from them just to see them klablobble after me out of the corner of my eye.  It's so funny!  

Puppy Girl:  They're so unstable standing on two legs!  Do you remember that time Mama fell over just because I wriggled a bit in her arms?  It was like a little earthquake when she toppled over!  Ha ha!

Puppy Dog:  And how about the howling?  When Mama howls at the music on the Flicker Box, my ears hurt!

Puppy Girl:  I know!  Whenever that Glee thing comes on the Flicker Box, I want to run away and hide!  Mama seems to think she can howl better than the little people inside the box, and she is so totally wrong!

Puppy Dog:  I think it's kinda funny...

Puppy Girl:  Hairless apes are sooooo weird.

Puppy Dog:  Yeah, but they got the food.  And the beds.  And the fireplace.

Puppy Girl:  I guess I can put up with some sucky face now and again.

Puppy Dog:  Now you're getting it...

 

Puppy Girl: Hey, what are you doing in Dada's office?

Puppy Dog: Nothing.  Go away.

Puppy Girl: I won't go away!  What are you doing?

Puppy Dog: None of your beeswax.  Go away.

Puppy Girl: Why are you sniffing Mama's papers?

Puppy Dog: I'm not.  Go away.

Puppy Girl: I won't go away!  Tell me what you're doing!

Puppy Dog: I'm trying to find it, OK?  It must be in here somewhere...

Puppy Girl: What?

Puppy Dog: Nothing.

Puppy Girl: What?  What?  What?  What?  What?  What?  What?

Puppy Dog: THE CONTRACT, OK?  THE CONTRACT!

Puppy Girl: What contract?

Puppy Dog: The one Mama and Dada signed with the lady we got you from.

Puppy Girl: What?

Puppy Dog: Are you deaf?  The.  Lady.  We.  Got.  You.  From.  Don't you remember?

Puppy Girl:  No, I don't.  I was a baby.  D'uh!

Puppy Dog: Well, I heard her tell Mama and Dada that you're guaranteed.  I want to find out the return policy.  Maybe there's an "irritating the living shit out of her brother" clause.

Puppy Girl:  I HATE YOU! 

 

Puppy Dog: Good luck!

Puppy Girl: What?

Puppy Dog: I said... "Good luck."

Puppy Girl: What are you talking about?  We're going for a walk!  It's exciting!  You're just jealous 'cos Dada's only taking me today and not you.

Puppy Dog: Sure, right.  Enjoy your walk.  He he he...

Puppy Girl: OK.  I might still be a baby, but I know you know something.  Tell.

Puppy Dog: No, no, no.  You just go and have fun.

Puppy Girl: TELL ME!

Puppy Dog: I heard Dada talking into that black box he holds up to his ear.  You're going to the Water Lady.

Puppy Girl: Who?

Puppy Dog: The Water Lady.  She lives near here, but she has a very weird den.  She takes you in the back and puts you in the water and rubs on smelly stuff and then she blows air at you and then she puts a noisy thing against your claws and it tickles and then she puts a really stupid piece of hairless ape fur around your neck.

Puppy Girl: You're joking.  You're just trying to freak me out.

Puppy Dog: Nope.  

Puppy Girl: You're being so MEAN!

Puppy Dog: No, I'm not!  I'm trying to help you!

Puppy Girl: How do I get out of this?

Puppy Dog: You can't... trust me, I've tried.

Puppy Girl: Did you try running away?

Puppy Dog: Yep.

Puppy Girl: Did you try barking so loud that Dada took you back home?

Puppy Dog: Yep.

Puppy Girl: Did you try biting the water lady?

Puppy Dog: Yep.

Puppy Girl: OH.  MY.  DOG.  What can I do?

Puppy Dog: You just sit nicely till it's over.  And eat the treats she gives you.

Puppy Girl: Treats! You didn't say anything about treats!

Puppy Dog: Oh, didn't I?  I guess I forgot about that part.

Puppy Girl: No, you didn't!  You're so mean!  Anyway, if there are treats, maybe it won't be so bad.

Puppy Dog: Sure.  You tell yourself that.

Puppy Girl: I hate you!

Puppy Dog: You're my sister.  That's what you're supposed to do.  Here comes Dada with your leash, have fun!

Puppy Girl: I HATE YOU!

 

Puppy Girl:  Mama?  Mama?  Please can I get up on your bed?

Puppy Dog:  It's bed time.  They aren't going to let you get up there.  Just go to your bed.

Puppy Girl:  Shut up!  They'll let me up!  They let me up 'cos I'm cute and small and a puppy.  Dada?  Dada?  Please can I come up?

Puppy Dog: You're wasting your time.

Puppy Girl:  Shut up!  Just leave... me... alone!  Mama?  Dada?  I'm over he-eeeere!  Please lift me up!

Puppy Dog:  There isn't enough room for you up there now, anyway.  You've got too big.  Just go to your bed.

Puppy Girl:  Shut up!  I'm ignoring you!  Mama?  Dada?  Please?  Please?

Puppy Dog:  OK, first, if you tell me you're ignoring me, you're not ignoring me.  Second, it's late and I'm tired.  Just be quiet and go to bed.

Puppy Girl:  SHUT UP!  Mama?  Mama?  Dada?  Dada?

Puppy Dog: Oh my Dog, I really miss the crate.

Puppy Girl:  Shuddup, shuddup, shuddup, shuddup!  Shut.  Up.  I'm a big girl, I don't need a crate!  Mama?  Please?  Dada?  Please?

Puppy Dog: I thought you were a cute puppy?

Puppy Girl:  Shuddup!  MAMA!  DADA!  PLEASE!  PLEASE!  They're ignoring me.

Puppy Dog: Told you so.  (Sigh.)  If you're a big girl, you should go to your big girl bed.

Puppy Girl: Um... Oh, OK...

Puppy Dog:  Oh, thank Dog.  

Puppy Girl: I actually quite like my bed.  (Yawn.)  

Puppy Dog: Good night.

Puppy Girl:  I hate... zzzzzzz.....

 

 

Puppy Girl:  What's going on?

Puppy Dog:  What now?

Puppy Girl:  Mama just opened the white box and all the hairless ape food bowls don't have food on them anymore!  I was licking them last night when Mama was putting food bowls in there, and it was yummy!

Puppy Dog:  You mustn't lick the food bowls that go in the white box!

Puppy Girl:  Why not?

Puppy Dog:  The white box is a monster!  It has to be fed every few days.  Mama and Dada feed it their left overs and then it makes a growly noise and all the hairless ape food bowls come out clean.

Puppy Girl:  It's a monster?

Puppy Dog:  Yes, like the Dysonmonster.

Puppy Girl:  But I want to lick the food bowls.

Puppy Dog:  You do that at your own risk.  One time, I was licking the food bowls and the monster closed it's flap all of a sudden and bonked me on the chin!  It hurt!  Mama said sorry, but it wasn't her fault.

Puppy Girl:  Wow...

Puppy Dog:  Yeah.  I was very brave, of course, because I'm a big boy.  So just stay away, puppy!

Puppy Girl:  I don't like all these monster in our house. 

Puppy Dog:  Yeah, I don't either.  But they come with the hairless apes, and they have the food.

Puppy Girl:  Yeah, and they scratch you behind the ears.

Puppy Dog:  Oh, yeeeeeah.

 

Puppy Girl: [Hooooooowl]

Puppy Dog:  Why are you crying this time?

Puppy Girl:  [Sob]

Puppy Dog:  Come on.  You heard Mama.  It's Relaxy Time for puppies.  You have to stay in your crate and have a nap or chew your little toy.

Puppy Girl:  But... [Sniff!]  I can hear things...

Puppy Dog:  Of course you can hear things!  What are you talking about?

Puppy Girl:  I can hear things going on, and they're going on without meeeeeee  [Sob]

Puppy Dog:  Oh for Dog's sake!  There will always be things that go on without you.  Hairless apes do all sorts of strange things that don't include us.

Puppy Girl:  It's not fair.  [Sob]

Puppy Dog:  Would it make you feel better if I told you what Mama was doing?

Puppy Girl:  Oh.. [Sniff] OK.

Puppy Dog:  Mama carried these big teeth things out into the yard and took some moving steps with her.  

Puppy Girl:  Teeth things?  

Puppy Dog:  Yes, they were biting the plants, so they must be teeth.  Don't interrupt!

Puppy Girl: [Sniff]

Puppy Dog:  She climbed up on the moving steps and started to make the big teeth bite the ivy.

Puppy Girl: Weeeeeeeird.

Puppy Dog:  I know.  She wanted the ivy to die.

Puppy Girl:  Die?  Why?  I like to poop in the ivy!  She mustn't kill the ivy!

Puppy Dog:  Reeeeee-laaaax yourself to a panic, girl!  It was the ivy on the fence, not on the ground.  Anyway, she kept saying 'Die Bah Stud.'

Puppy Girl:  What's a Bah Stud?

Puppy Dog:  I don't know.  Maybe there were little animals called Bah Studs in the ivy.

Puppy Girl:  Come on.  We dogs are born with a knowledge of all plants.  I've never heard of Bah Studs.

Puppy Dog:  Well, Mama comes from a place far away.  Maybe they have a different name for bugs.

Puppy Girl:  Yeah, Mama's a ferner.

Puppy Dog:  Anyway, that's all you missed.  No big deal.

Puppy Girl:  NO BIG DEAL!  I missed out on seeing what a Bah Stud is!  [Hoooooooowl]

Puppy Dog:  Oh my Dog.  I'm going to my bed.  You're on your own.

 

 

 

 

Puppy Girl:  Why does Mama say "Sh!" everytime I bark?  I'm a DOG.  I'm supposed to bark!

Puppy Dog:  Don't exaggerate.  She doesn't do it every time.

Puppy Girl:  Well she does it every time I bark at her from my potty enclosure!

Puppy Dog:  Exactly.  There are times when it's OK to bark, and times when it isn't.  That's one of the times it isn't.  I mean, come on, she's standing right in front of you!  You don't have to shout.

Puppy Girl:  Yeah... but how else am I supposed to tell her that I want to get out?  I tell her, I say: I want OUT! I want OUT!

Puppy Dog:  Yeah, you don't get to shout demands at Mama.  I don't think you're quite getting the pack hierarchy.

Puppy Girl:  Pack what?  That's a very big word...

Puppy Dog:  Hierarchy.  See, this is how it goes.  Dada is the Alpha Dog.  Mama is the Beta Bitch.  I am the Gamma Guy.  And you are the Delta Doggie.

Puppy Girl:  What?!

Puppy Dog:  Dada is first, the most important and the pack leader.  Mama is second.  I am third.  You are last.  You don't get to decide anything.

Puppy Girl:  AW, COME ON!

Puppy Dog:  That's how it works.

Puppy Girl:  That is just, wrong.  I'm the cutest one...

Puppy Dog:  OK, I'm just going to pin you down, now, till you get it.

 

Puppy Dog:  You're wasting your time barking at the puppy gate.  She isn't coming out, and you aren't going in.

Puppy Girl:   How do you know?  Sometimes she come when I bark, so there.

Puppy Dog:  She's in the Water Room.  The hairless apes do stuff in there.  Can't you hear the hot rain?  And, trust me,  you don't want to go in there when the hot rain or the hot river flows.  Next thing you know, you're in the bath.

Puppy Girl:  The what?

Puppy Dog:  The BA-HA-HA-HARTH!

 Puppy Girl:  Why are you making a funny voice?

Puppy Dog:  Because the BATH is horrible.  They make you all wet and put smelly stuff on you and rub all over your body.  Oh wait - you have had a bath.  That time you pooped in your crate!

 Puppy Girl:  Hey! I couldn't help it.  I'm just a baby!

Puppy Dog:  Hmph!  Still disgusting.

Puppy Girl:  Well, you should know, from that time I pooped on your bed in your den!  HA HA!

Puppy Dog:  GRRRRRR!

Puppy Girl:  OK!  OK!  Let's just forget all that.  And anyway, I didn't mind it when Dada cleaned me.  It felt nice.

Puppy Dog:  What the hell are you?  Some kinda freak?  Dogs are not supposed to like baths!  The next time they try to put you in there, you wriggle, you whine, and you stand up without warning and SHAKE as hard as you can so you spray water in their face!

Puppy Girl:  Sounds like fun!

Puppy Dog: It is!

Puppy Girl:  OK!  I'll do it!

Puppy Dog:  Yeah, stick with me, Kid, I'll show you the ropes.  

 

 

Puppy Dog:  What are you doing?  You're squirming like an eel!

Puppy Gir:  Mama wants me to go in the crate and I don't want to!

Puppy Dog:  But you heard Mama - it's Relaxytime.

Puppy Girl:  I don't want to relax!  I want to play!  More!  MORE!

Puppy Dog:  Come on, you were lying down all the time when we were playing just now.  You're tired.

Puppy Girl:  Am not!  I was just resting my eyes!

Puppy Dog:  Just go in your crate.  You can come out and play after your rest.

Puppy Girl:  Why are you on her side?

Puppy Dog:  I'm not on any side.  I just know you need to chill out for a bit.  Look, Mama even has a treat ready for when you go in.

Puppy Girl:  Oh I get it.  Whenever I get a treat, you get a treat first, because you're Mr I'm-so-special dominant dog.  You just want me to go in the crate so you can get a treat!

Puppy Dog:  Don't be silly.  Now go inside!

Puppy Girl:  What's it worth to ya?

Puppy Dog:  [Sigh] I'll let you lie on my cushion later.

Puppy Girl:  For real?

Puppy Dog:  Yes.  But don't pee or poop on it.  Now go in.

Puppy Girl:  It's a deal!  Check you later!

Puppy Dog:  [Sigh]  Kids!

Puppy Girl:  AAAAAARGH!

Puppy Dog:  What now?

Puppy Girl:  What is THAT?  It's so loud and growly and scary!

Puppy Dog:  Relax, it's just the Fur Blower.

Puppy Girl:  The what?

Puppy Dog:  The Fur Blower.  Mama goes into the Water Room and then she comes out and that little bit of fur she has on the top is wet and so she uses the Fur Blower to make wind blow through her fur.

Puppy Girl:  Wait.  The Water Room?

Puppy Dog:  Yes, you know, the room where Mama and Dada go in and there is water and they stand in it.  They make rain in there, but it's hot.

Puppy Girl:  Oh!  You mean the Magic Poop Room!

Puppy Dog:  What are you talking about?  Magic poop?

Puppy Girl:  Yes.  Mama and Dada go in there and I can smell that they poop but you never see it.  They make it disappear!  It's magic!

Puppy Dog:  No, no, it goes into... oh, never mind.  The point is that the Fur Blower is not scary.  Mama even blew the air at me one time and it was quite nice.  Just a little too hot.

Puppy Girl:  Why don't they just shake the water off, like we do?

Puppy Dog:  I don't know.  Their fur is different to ours.  They have small bits here and there that stay, and sometimes change shape, and then they have the furs that they put on and take off.

Puppy Girl:  Hairless Apes are weird.

Puppy Boy:  I know.  But remember, they have the food.  Anyway, don't worry about the Fur Blower.  It can't hurt you.

Puppy Girl:  Well, it's still very noisy.  I think I'll stay here in the living room till it's all over.  I think I'll chew this rope.

Puppy Dog:  Yeah, you do that.

Puppy Girl:  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

Puppy Dog:  Shh!  Why are you screaming?

Puppy Girl:  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!  What is it?

Puppy Dog:  That?  Oh, that's just the Dysonmonster.  No biggie.

Puppy Girl:  AAAAAAAAAAARGH!  It's growling!  I'm scared!

Puppy Dog: Don't sweat it, Kid.  It's OK.

Puppy Girl:  Really?  Aren't you scared?

Puppy Dog:  Nah.  First time Mama brought it out I was a bit frea-- I was a little nervous, but now I'm used to it.

Puppy Girl:  Why is Mama doing that?

Puppy Dog:  Well, at first I figured Mama was just playing with it, but now I know that it's a scent catcher.

Puppy Girl:  A what?

Puppy Dog:  A scent catcher.  Every now and then Mama takes it out and goes around the house and it takes away the den scent.  She has all sorts of things she uses as scent catchers.  I don't know why, but she and Dada like to erase the scent of our den.

Puppy Girl:  What?  That's just crazy!  Our den is supposed to smell of us!

Puppy Dog:  I know.  It must be a hairless ape thing.  Maybe we are safer from hairless ape predators if our den doesn't smell of us so much.

Puppy Girl:  I don't understand.

Puppy Dog:  Neither do I.  We used to have a hairless ape named Kassa, who came here and would spend all day with all sorts of things, catching all the scents in the den.

Puppy Girl:  How terrible!

Puppy Dog:  Actually, it wasn't so bad.  She gave me lots of pats and scratches behind my ears and called me a Handsome Boy, which, of course, I am.

Puppy Girl:  Whatever.  So I don't have to worry about the Dysonmonster.

Puppy Dog:  No, you're OK.

Puppy Girl:  Hairless apes are so weird.

Puppy Dog:  You'll learn, Kid, you'll learn.

 

Puppy Dog:  Don't move.

Puppy Girl:  But---

Puppy Dog:  DON'T.  MOVE!

Puppy Girl:  Mama!  Mama!  I want it!  I want it! I want it!

Puppy Dog:  Oh, God.

Puppy Girl:  Why did she make me come back next to you and sit?  Why didn't she give me the treat?  

Puppy Dog:  Because.  You.  Moved.

Puppy Girl:  What?

Puppy Dog:  She held her hand up with her palm at us.  That means STAY.  The clue is in the name!

Puppy Girl:  What's a clue?

Puppy Dog:  Something you don't have!

Puppy Girl:  What?

Puppy Dog:  JUST SIT STILL!

Puppy Girl:  Yum!  Treat!  Yum, yum!

Puppy Dog:  See?  You're learning to Stay.  Good work.

Puppy Girl!  She has more!  I'm going closer!  Mama!  Mama!  I want some!  I want some!

Puppy Dog:   Oh, God.